If Turkeys Thought

One of my favorite Jack Prelutsky poems from his It's Thanksgiving book (1982).  It has some pointed implications for human exceptionalism - tough luck PETA.

If turkeys thought, they'd run away
a week before Thanksgiving Day,
but turkeys can't anticipate,
and so there's turkey on my plate.

Long Live the Twinkie

 

Just don't kill the Philadelphia Tastykakes. Then it WILL be the end of civilization as we know it.

Explain

This from my November issue of Quality Progress magazine. It could apply to an awful lot of circumstances in life... 

"I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you.”  - old Proverb

Guilty as Charged

Leave it to your spouse to put you in your right place. I came home this evening driving back from a business meeting several hours distance and the first thing I said to my wife as I entered our home: "Do you realize how many nutty drivers there are out on the roads??" (pointing dramatically in the direction of our street with a frustrated look on my face) My dear wife replied, "Well, I know there's one less now that you're home."

Dateline Washington DC, March 2030

Dateline Washington DC, March 15, 2030.  President Justin Bieber proclaimed today national Lookin’ Good Day in a ribbon-cutting ceremony in front of the brand new marble monument built next to the Jefferson Memorial. National Park Service Director Dakota Fanning and Vice President Selena Gomez both delivered teary-eyed messages expressing their gratitude for the corporate taxes that were raised to help pay for the towering monument. Secretary of State Miley Cyrus and Department of Justice head Lil Twist were originally scheduled to speak at the opening event as well, but were called upon instead to represent President Bieber at an important red carpet event at the western Capitol in Hollywood.

What I Say Is Not What You Think I Mean...

What the typical Massachusetts voter said before the election: "Oh, we need to send more moderates to Washington. You know, rational, thinking people who understand the value of compromise and reaching across the aisle to get things done for the benefit of the people they serve."

What the typical Massachusetts voter did in the election booth: "We're going to send our independent-minded, balanced Republican senator packing and replace him with a strident partisan who will vote 110% of the time with the Democrats and grind those (remaining) barbarian Republicans into the ground."

Finger-Wagging School Marms

A company I used to work for years ago fired its HR Director just one week after hiring him because of discovered experience falsifications on his resume. My neighboring state just rewarded a $400k/yr Harvard professor who did the same thing with a 6 year term to the U.S. Senate. And my state just elected its own finger-wagging school marms to the governorship, and both Congressional seats to add to the finger-wagging Senator we already have. It's going to be a fun 2, 4, and 6 years.