Saturday, November 13, 2010

The South's Rebuttal

A few weeks back I posted my Top 10 reasons why I remain a New England Yankee and promised that I would publish my southern brother's response.

Poor, poor brother. Have those cold, long winters frozen your brain? Even though it is late at night, I just cannot go to bed without setting you on the right path. Thus, I submit my rebuttal as a Southerner (with a capital S). Y’all take care now, ya hear!

The Yankee/The Southerner (my original item followed by my brother's response).

10. Can delay cutting my lawn until May, sometimes June! - Do not have to shovel snow from October until April.
9. Don't have to eat grits, or explain why. - Don’t get those stupid instant grits with your breakfast. Also, no quahogs to deal with.
8. Can never remember if your president is Jefferson Davis or Davis Jefferson. - Neither Ted Kennedy nor Mike Dukakis are from the South.
7. Close to the source of that true heavenly sustenance - maple syrup. - Home of real BBQ.
6. Tried, but just can't pronounce "dog" using three syllables. - That is because you people just talk too darned fast (and funny). Say it slowly, “DA-WWW-GH.”
5. One hour from mountains, one hour from ocean, one hour from Boston. - Two hours from the mountains, three from the ocean and at least 12 hours from Boston.
4. Can hone my driving skills to NASCAR level by dodging potholes and frost heaves. - Frost heaves? Never heard of them. Plus, here cars don’t rust out in two years.
3. Air conditioning supplied by nature all summer long.  - Wow, two whole months of summer. Just two words: “black flies.”
2. Experience snow falling in dark woods on a crisp night, just like Robert Frost did.  - Drinking Mint Juleps while watching the Kentucky Derby.
1. Somebody has to do it; I was one of the fortunate few selected among the many who applied.  - The South – many are called but few are chosen.


Rin_Ney said...

Sorry, Uncle Marc, you've got nothin' on us wicked cool New Englanders.

Anna said...

I gotta go with the brother here. 12 hours from Boston sounds great to me. I am plotting my escape to Texas as I write here in my 50 degree apartment.